My husband and are coming up on a new season in life: retirement from the military. Being a life-long dependant, to say that I am afraid of the future would be an understatement. Logically I know we will be fine. We will have his retirement income, once I get to the last duty station next month I can get a job, we have great, loving families, and most importantly, though sometimes it feels abstract, we have a loving God. A God whose "eye is on the sparrow".
Even with all this, I find myself not only praying, but begging God to please show me everything will be fine. And he has. He has spoken to me through his word, through radio programs with timely messages, and through songs that speak directly to my heart. Still, I crave more. I have come to the realization that not only do I want things to be fine, but I want them to fit in my vision for our lives. Frankly, my vision may not be God's truth for our lives, and I need to accept that. I don't want to, but I need to.
I guess I am afraid of living in poverty. I want our own home. After 20+ years of military housing I want a place to call our own, and I want a place that is nice and I can be proud of. Not extravagant, but nice. Probably a bit bigger than we need, but I want a place where friends and family can visit, and they can have their own space. Their own place to go without feeling as if they have displaced us from our rooms. I want to go to bed at night without worrying about money. I want to replace bad tires without worrying about where the money is coming from. I want to support our son through college. I'm afraid God's plan for our life won't match this. I automatically assume that if our lives aren't like this we will be living a life of poverty. Why? My vision is not that we will be living like Hollywood's rich and famous. In fact, it is firmly entrenched in the middle class. God's vision could be greater than my dreams. (Even as I type that my thoughts are "but I doubt it". Will I ever learn?"
I wish God would flat out show me what is in store for our lives, but I have to wait. And trust. Trust does not come easily for me. He did flat out show me this week one thing...I have to wait.
Michael had a situation at work this week that hurt him, and broke my heart for him. Since he is not shy at all, he decided to confront the situation head on. While praying for his situation, I begged God, in tears, to please speak to me through His word, comfort me, and show me that in this situation everything would be fine. I read the intended scripture for that night desperately searching for anything that could apply to this situation, but God was silent. Nothing seemed to fit, so I fretted.
The next morning Michael called. Everything is fine. It was all a great misunderstanding...a miscommunication. He was happy. I could hear it in his voice.
Later, while thinking over this in my mind, I heard, "Sometimes you just have to wait." Sometimes the wait will be short to know the answer to your prayers. Sometimes, though, it will feel like forever. Still, we just have to wait...
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Complaining, Grumbling and Growing Faith
It is amazing how we can see, hear or read something over and over again, and all of a sudden it is like you never read it before. This is what happened last night while reading Exodus chapter 16. Specifically Exodus 16:8b.
In this chapter the Israelites are complaining to Moses and Aaron about not having enough food, and "wishing" they were back in Egypt. Then you come to verse 8b "...the Lord has heard your grumbling that you grumble against him-what are we? Your grumbling is not against us but against the Lord."
Your grumbling is against the Lord.
We, as a society, are quick to complain, and I know I am guilty. Waiting in line...complain, Don't make as much money as you would like...complain, Life not going the way you think it should...complain. The list goes on and on and on. We complain about people complaining, but is this complaining accomplishing anything? Or are we complaining to complain. Are we complaining to make change, or to gain sympathy?
When we complain to blow smoke we aren't complaining against the store, our family, our friends, the government. We are complaining against God... God who knows what is best for us, and wants the best for us. Instead of gleaning what God's purpose could be in any given situation, our first impulse is to grumble. What a perfect stumbling block to our growth in faith.
Earlier this year we learned that Michael will be retiring 2 years earlier than we had planned. My first inclination was to rail against the Air Force. Why? Because, frankly, I'm scared. I do not like the unknown, and I do not like change. The Air Force is our Egypt. It is familiar; it is comfortable, and even though there are hard times, it is home, but it is time to leave.
The last couple of months I have been trying to trust God. Trying not to complain, or focus on the negative. I am trying to trust that God has a plan for us. A plan that is better than we can imagine. Trust...that we are being shoved out of the nest that is the Air Force,...so that we can live out God's plan for our lives.
I need to trust God's plan, not complain that God's plan doesn't coincide with what my plan was.
Ella
In this chapter the Israelites are complaining to Moses and Aaron about not having enough food, and "wishing" they were back in Egypt. Then you come to verse 8b "...the Lord has heard your grumbling that you grumble against him-what are we? Your grumbling is not against us but against the Lord."
Your grumbling is against the Lord.
We, as a society, are quick to complain, and I know I am guilty. Waiting in line...complain, Don't make as much money as you would like...complain, Life not going the way you think it should...complain. The list goes on and on and on. We complain about people complaining, but is this complaining accomplishing anything? Or are we complaining to complain. Are we complaining to make change, or to gain sympathy?
When we complain to blow smoke we aren't complaining against the store, our family, our friends, the government. We are complaining against God... God who knows what is best for us, and wants the best for us. Instead of gleaning what God's purpose could be in any given situation, our first impulse is to grumble. What a perfect stumbling block to our growth in faith.
Earlier this year we learned that Michael will be retiring 2 years earlier than we had planned. My first inclination was to rail against the Air Force. Why? Because, frankly, I'm scared. I do not like the unknown, and I do not like change. The Air Force is our Egypt. It is familiar; it is comfortable, and even though there are hard times, it is home, but it is time to leave.
The last couple of months I have been trying to trust God. Trying not to complain, or focus on the negative. I am trying to trust that God has a plan for us. A plan that is better than we can imagine. Trust...that we are being shoved out of the nest that is the Air Force,...so that we can live out God's plan for our lives.
I need to trust God's plan, not complain that God's plan doesn't coincide with what my plan was.
Ella
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