And he doesn't even have to take it. That's how it works in our family. I *suffer* from second hand sleep apnea. (My own term for being the partner of someone who has sleep apnea.) He reaps the benefits of a wife on Cymbalta. I don't really see how that is quite fair. Suffer/reaps the benefits. Do you see the issue here? That's okay, though, because I have learned in the last week that if my husband dies before me I am moving to Australia to find the man of my dreams--literally. The man who invented the sleep apnea machine.
Of course, the drawback to being able to have dreams is the Cymbalta. I have some crazy, stressed out dreams. The latest included me, on a team trying to make a beautiful two dimensional wedding dress cookie out of sugar cookie dough.
The problem with these dreams is this: In the beginning of the dream I am "all that!". I can make the most beautiful pastry you have ever seen! Then the mechanics start-somehow I make dough. Then somehow I roll out this dough into a perfect rectangle. Then I realize my teammates aren't helping me. Now, I am mad! Why is no one helping me?! This is supposed to be a team effort! Wait! What are they doing? Oh no, they are performing CPR. I must help, but the judge is here telling me to hurry up I am running out of time. So, I do what all rational people would do and continue to roll out teeny tiny layers to put on my wedding dress cookie.
It's about this time that I "remember" that I have no idea how to decorate cakes, cookies, or pastries of any sort. Not only that, but I am not artistic, at all! I am not able to make whatever it is in my mind come out of my fingers. This is not good! Then I look over and one of the judges has decided to "help me" with my cookie by drawing the outline of some Picasso-esque face with black piping gel all over my cookie. WHY?! I don't know, but she totally ruined my chance of winning a car.
Now everyone wins a car, but me. :( Then I notice the car my friend chooses has a big black dent and scrape along the side like it was his by a burning softball. I try desperately to get her to choose another car, but the cars are all like that now. They weren't a minute ago. HEY! These contest organizers are trying to cheat us out of our brand new cars!
Now. Don't you feel rested? Me neither. I wake up trying to figure out how to make the cookie. Oh, and the person receiving the CPR? Don't know. Never bothered to even check up on the guy because in my dreams I am compassionate like that.
So, I get the crazy dreams, but Michael gets the wife who does not sit in the car stressing over the fact that he is driving in the left lane and we have to turn right in just 3 miles. Hello! Don't you see we need to turn? And there are other cars! In the right lane! If we wait we may never get over! And you know what happens if we don't get over! No, we don't turn around. How are we going to turn around when the world has just ended?! We really need to get over now! After all we are turning in just 2.5 miles. Do you see my finger tapping against the door frame? It means you are not doing it the way *I* would!! And that is just wrong!
He loved driving with me.
Michael also gets the wife who gets dressed, puts on make up, drives 20 minutes to a restaurant, and will, get this, get out of the car! Even when there are more than like 3 other cars in the parking lot. I no longer get somewhere and just freeze in my seat like if I go in there something terrible is going to happen. We may not know it, but believe me it will happen.
I am surprised he never starved.
The most surprising effect has been that I even went to the gym. By myself. 5 times a week. For several months before we moved. That is a miracle unto itself! Now that was a gym I was somewhat familiar with. Now, I just need to find one here.
Hmmm. Come to think of it this was good for him. I wonder why he doesn't have cut abs?
Oh, AND, I can actually relax! Some. I don't feel the need to be doing *something* from the time I get up, until the time I go to bed. This is big! Just ask Michael. I mean do you know how hard it is to watch a football game when someone has decided they must dust the entertainment stand right now. Like really right now or the dust might form a coalition and take us all out. Or the carpet must be vacuumed. Also right now! I mean, if the NFL would just call me before they set up their playing schedule maybe we could work something out. But no, they don't care that some grass just fell off of someone's shoe.
Of course, now he wishes I would stand in front of the television and clean. Have you seen the Cowboys play this year?
So, thanks to Cymbalta I get crazy dreams, and Michael loses crazy wife. Too cool!
By the way, I was actually put on Cymbalta in order to help control the Fibromyalgia pain. It is only been discovered that I actually, certifiably have anxiety issues because of how much I have changed since being put on the Cymbalta. I thought this was normal, but in a way I feel like my world is opening up. And I have learned 2 things you don't want to hear from your doctor. 1. When describing your reaction to being in the "wrong lane of traffic: "No, that's not "normal". Not in my world." and 2. When awaiting blood test results: "You are one sick pup!"
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Fibro Friday: Weeks 3 and 4: totally slacking
The last two weeks have been a struggle. Towards the end of week 3 I started going in to a flare.
I noticed this time that the flare seemed to start with burning in my shins. Painful, can't ignore it burning. Kind of like, or maybe exactly like, shin splints. This was followed by extreme exhaustion. Cooking fell by the wayside, and my housework was the bare minimum. It was a struggle first of all to get out of bed, and once out to stay awake. After the exhaustion was foot pain. I always have heel pain, but this was throughout the entire soul of my foot and in the tendons.
I also noticed increased "fibro fog". This was most noticeable in my speech patterns. I was constantly stopping in the middle of a sentence because I just couldn't find the word. I know this can be normal, but not when it happens this much.
My last observation is how much the cold weather effects my pain. I suspected before, but I was conscious of it this time, so I am trying to make sure to keep warm as soon as I notice I am chilled. Hopefully that will help some, too.
During this past week, week 4, the major symptoms started to subside. They actually started to subside in the same order I noticed them coming on. I didn't really expect that. I finally started getting some energy back, and I was able to reorganize the office earlier in the week, and do some of the deeper cleaning throughout the week.
Today I started back with the bike riding. One time around the block today. My thighs are a bit sore, but I have high hopes that I will be able to get further with it this month than last month.
I plan is still to learn to be my best with this "disease". I guess that will have to start with becoming aware of what is going on with my body.
I noticed this time that the flare seemed to start with burning in my shins. Painful, can't ignore it burning. Kind of like, or maybe exactly like, shin splints. This was followed by extreme exhaustion. Cooking fell by the wayside, and my housework was the bare minimum. It was a struggle first of all to get out of bed, and once out to stay awake. After the exhaustion was foot pain. I always have heel pain, but this was throughout the entire soul of my foot and in the tendons.
I also noticed increased "fibro fog". This was most noticeable in my speech patterns. I was constantly stopping in the middle of a sentence because I just couldn't find the word. I know this can be normal, but not when it happens this much.
My last observation is how much the cold weather effects my pain. I suspected before, but I was conscious of it this time, so I am trying to make sure to keep warm as soon as I notice I am chilled. Hopefully that will help some, too.
During this past week, week 4, the major symptoms started to subside. They actually started to subside in the same order I noticed them coming on. I didn't really expect that. I finally started getting some energy back, and I was able to reorganize the office earlier in the week, and do some of the deeper cleaning throughout the week.
Today I started back with the bike riding. One time around the block today. My thighs are a bit sore, but I have high hopes that I will be able to get further with it this month than last month.
I plan is still to learn to be my best with this "disease". I guess that will have to start with becoming aware of what is going on with my body.
Monday, November 1, 2010
I Smell Dead People
Ok, I don't really smell dead people, but I smell everything else. This causes some tension in our house since most of the time I am the only one that can smell the horrendous odor that is emanating from...well, somewhere. We have many conversations that go something like this:
Me: Do you smell that?
Michael: Smell what?
Me: (Crinkling nose) That smell. It stinks!
Michael: There is no smell.
Me: Yes there is! It's coming from...over there...somewhere.
Michael: You mean that field of cows we drove by? Three days ago?
Me: Yes! Yes! That's it! Where's the candle? We need to light the candle! We need to light the candle and put it close to my nose! Hurry! Please, I can't handle the smell anymore!!
Michael: (Getting a candle and shaking his head) Do you mind telling me when, exactly, in the 20+ years we've been married you crossed over the line into certifiably insane? It was so gradual I'm not sure when it happened.
Me: (sticks tongue out and pouts while breathing in candle air)
It's very annoying this super power of smell. My poor husband can only eat fish at a restaurant, out of town, after I die. That is really sad because the man loves fish...and shellfish...and cabbage. You know, all the stinky stuff. I can smell it for days. I think it hangs around in my nose just trying to make me ill. You would think that the fish would love me since I don't want anyone around me to eat them, but apparently they want to be eaten because they insist on torturing me with their smell. I just want to say, "I wanted to save you! Why don't you go torture HIM?!"
I also have to be very careful when I am cooking to not smell the raw meat. If I smell the raw meat, then I can't eat the cooked meat. One can only survive on Golden Grahams and Frosted Mini
Wheats for so long.
On the other hand, my wonderful sense of smell could come in very handy. It's a good thing our son doesn't smoke because who wants their mother marching through the school with her head looking like an expanding red balloon, and her body shaking uncontrollably while screaming (Yes, I mean screaming, not yelling. Yelling isn't forceful enough.) "WHAT were you thinking?!"
Then again, if he ever wanted to get rid of me, and send me to prison, all he would have to do is call the police, and tell them I assaulted him with my big head that just blew up and shot pieces of brain and shards of skull at him. I mean, who would the judge believe? 1. Soft-spoken, matter-of-fact, calm young man with an actual hair cut, or 2. Crazy, out of control, screaming woman who they suspect might be auditioning for the token psycho on the "Housewives of Crazyville"? Not that I would care because my brain already blew up, so there!
Me: Do you smell that?
Michael: Smell what?
Me: (Crinkling nose) That smell. It stinks!
Michael: There is no smell.
Me: Yes there is! It's coming from...over there...somewhere.
Michael: You mean that field of cows we drove by? Three days ago?
Me: Yes! Yes! That's it! Where's the candle? We need to light the candle! We need to light the candle and put it close to my nose! Hurry! Please, I can't handle the smell anymore!!
Michael: (Getting a candle and shaking his head) Do you mind telling me when, exactly, in the 20+ years we've been married you crossed over the line into certifiably insane? It was so gradual I'm not sure when it happened.
Me: (sticks tongue out and pouts while breathing in candle air)
It's very annoying this super power of smell. My poor husband can only eat fish at a restaurant, out of town, after I die. That is really sad because the man loves fish...and shellfish...and cabbage. You know, all the stinky stuff. I can smell it for days. I think it hangs around in my nose just trying to make me ill. You would think that the fish would love me since I don't want anyone around me to eat them, but apparently they want to be eaten because they insist on torturing me with their smell. I just want to say, "I wanted to save you! Why don't you go torture HIM?!"
I also have to be very careful when I am cooking to not smell the raw meat. If I smell the raw meat, then I can't eat the cooked meat. One can only survive on Golden Grahams and Frosted Mini
Wheats for so long.
On the other hand, my wonderful sense of smell could come in very handy. It's a good thing our son doesn't smoke because who wants their mother marching through the school with her head looking like an expanding red balloon, and her body shaking uncontrollably while screaming (Yes, I mean screaming, not yelling. Yelling isn't forceful enough.) "WHAT were you thinking?!"
Then again, if he ever wanted to get rid of me, and send me to prison, all he would have to do is call the police, and tell them I assaulted him with my big head that just blew up and shot pieces of brain and shards of skull at him. I mean, who would the judge believe? 1. Soft-spoken, matter-of-fact, calm young man with an actual hair cut, or 2. Crazy, out of control, screaming woman who they suspect might be auditioning for the token psycho on the "Housewives of Crazyville"? Not that I would care because my brain already blew up, so there!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Don'cha Hate it When...
You get an idea in your head, run to the store to get what you need, and then when you get home realize you don't really have everything you need?!
This would probably happen a lot less if I would stick to one idea at a time, but one idea usually gives birth to another, and then another. I tell you ideas are like rabbits. You start with 1 or 2 and end up with enough to feed an army.
Like today. I went shopping with 2 ideas in mind. 1. I want to refinish the old, wooden accordion style sewing box I scored at Goodwill yesterday for only 4 bucks, and 2. I wanted to try to find a way to hide the border that is in my dining room. Not that the border isn't fabulous...or at least I'm sure it was when it was new...in the 80's!!
But I ended up looking for more ideas: 1. Paint for the sewing box. 2. "Something" for the border. 3.End tables for my living room. 4. Something to contain the keys, notes, and pocket debris that is growing on my bookshelf like mold. and 5. My continuing search for something to use as a game table in my living room.
I ended up with 1. Paint for the sewing box. 2. A big, fat nothing on the border. 3.Nothing I was willing to spend the money on for end tables. 4. More ideas for what to do with the moldy debris on my bookshelf. (Which reminds me, I want to repaint that too.) 5. 3 possibilities for the game table, so, of course, that meant nothing on the game table.
So after 2 hours of shopping and 5 different ideas boiling in my brain, I have a can of Kilz and some spray paint for the sewing box. I'm very happy that I can get started on one of my projects.
We get home, Michael starts the grill for dinner, and I......pull 2 silvery metal "art" pieces off of my wall and prime them. Not the sewing box, but things that were already on my wall. Then after dinner I go to paint them with acrylic paint. I'm not sure exactly what color I want to go with, but I choose one andstart to paint discover I. HAVE. NO. PAINTBRUSHES! Not even one. Now I have to wait until tomorrow after Brendan's PT appointment to paint.
In the infamous words of Stephanie Tanner, "HOW RUUUUDE". (Said with major ATTITUDE!)
Now, I will just have to study.
This would probably happen a lot less if I would stick to one idea at a time, but one idea usually gives birth to another, and then another. I tell you ideas are like rabbits. You start with 1 or 2 and end up with enough to feed an army.
Like today. I went shopping with 2 ideas in mind. 1. I want to refinish the old, wooden accordion style sewing box I scored at Goodwill yesterday for only 4 bucks, and 2. I wanted to try to find a way to hide the border that is in my dining room. Not that the border isn't fabulous...or at least I'm sure it was when it was new...in the 80's!!
But I ended up looking for more ideas: 1. Paint for the sewing box. 2. "Something" for the border. 3.End tables for my living room. 4. Something to contain the keys, notes, and pocket debris that is growing on my bookshelf like mold. and 5. My continuing search for something to use as a game table in my living room.
I ended up with 1. Paint for the sewing box. 2. A big, fat nothing on the border. 3.Nothing I was willing to spend the money on for end tables. 4. More ideas for what to do with the moldy debris on my bookshelf. (Which reminds me, I want to repaint that too.) 5. 3 possibilities for the game table, so, of course, that meant nothing on the game table.
So after 2 hours of shopping and 5 different ideas boiling in my brain, I have a can of Kilz and some spray paint for the sewing box. I'm very happy that I can get started on one of my projects.
We get home, Michael starts the grill for dinner, and I......pull 2 silvery metal "art" pieces off of my wall and prime them. Not the sewing box, but things that were already on my wall. Then after dinner I go to paint them with acrylic paint. I'm not sure exactly what color I want to go with, but I choose one and
In the infamous words of Stephanie Tanner, "HOW RUUUUDE". (Said with major ATTITUDE!)
Now, I will just have to study.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Fibro Friday: Week 2 Still slow, but picking up speed
It's not my plan to only do the fibro posts, but another week has passed me by, and it is Friday again.
This week I wasn't as good about doing the back exercises. I believe I only did them once this week... Insert self flagellation with a wet noodle... I did notice on that one day that the "my body is trying to disconnect at my lower spine" feeling was not as bad. It still hurt, but I did notice an improvement.
I was actually better at bike riding...Insert self adulation with pats on the back...I actually rode the bike 3 times this week, and progressively increased the distance. I only had mild muscle pain, but my hips hurt quite a bit afterwards. They hurt to the point that I was having trouble sleeping. I happened to have a follow up with the spine doctor today, so I mentioned it to him. He thinks it might be pelvic girdle displacement, so I need to look up exercises to help with that now.
The bad news is I decided to start a flare today. It's loads of fun. You should give it a try. I seem to have a pattern that coincides with my menstrual cycle...ps. enter dripping sarcasm after the word fun...
My shins are burning, my knees hurt, the joint in my right thumb hurts when I use it,my upper back is sore, my feet are more sensitive and my head is killing me. I also learned I had a slight fever of 99.1 when I went to the doctor. I think I will have to start taking my temperature to see if there is a correlation. Especially since when I went to the doctor, I felt fine. It was about 4-5 hours later that I started to feel bad.
My hope is that when I look back on this in the next few months that the level of symptoms will be lessened, and the number of symptoms will also be lower.
This week I wasn't as good about doing the back exercises. I believe I only did them once this week... Insert self flagellation with a wet noodle... I did notice on that one day that the "my body is trying to disconnect at my lower spine" feeling was not as bad. It still hurt, but I did notice an improvement.
I was actually better at bike riding...Insert self adulation with pats on the back...I actually rode the bike 3 times this week, and progressively increased the distance. I only had mild muscle pain, but my hips hurt quite a bit afterwards. They hurt to the point that I was having trouble sleeping. I happened to have a follow up with the spine doctor today, so I mentioned it to him. He thinks it might be pelvic girdle displacement, so I need to look up exercises to help with that now.
The bad news is I decided to start a flare today. It's loads of fun. You should give it a try. I seem to have a pattern that coincides with my menstrual cycle...ps. enter dripping sarcasm after the word fun...
My shins are burning, my knees hurt, the joint in my right thumb hurts when I use it,my upper back is sore, my feet are more sensitive and my head is killing me. I also learned I had a slight fever of 99.1 when I went to the doctor. I think I will have to start taking my temperature to see if there is a correlation. Especially since when I went to the doctor, I felt fine. It was about 4-5 hours later that I started to feel bad.
My hope is that when I look back on this in the next few months that the level of symptoms will be lessened, and the number of symptoms will also be lower.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Fibro Friday: Week 1--Starting out Sloooooow
Week one of trying to pull myself out of this funk that is Fibromyalgia. I don't know how much of this will be a head game, or how much of this will be physical, but whatever it is the journey has officially started.
This week is working on starting a routine, and starting it slowly. Very slowly. I don't want to be beat before I start which is often the case.
So here is how it went for my first partial week(next week will be a full week, but since I started on Sunday...:
3 times this week I did 3 sets of 5 different back exercises given to me by my spine specialist. The purpose of these exercises is to strengthen my lower back and abs, as well as, to help with my herniated disc.
Twice this week I rode my bike. My bike that now has a huuuuuge wide load seat on it. A seat that does not hurt my sit bones for weeks after a ride. Really weeks, I'm not kidding. It's like someone decided to see how deep of a bruise they could cause and called it a bike seat. Does the seat look all sleek and cool like the torture seat, no, but with the unsleek and uncool seat maybe I can look sleek and cool, and I think that is a fair trade off.
The bike riding and the back exercises did have some painful repercussions, but nothing I couldn't handle. The worst was the leg and hip pain at night when I was trying to sleep. I felt like there was a distinct horizontal line right at my hips. Above the line was fine, below the line could have fallen off of my body and I would have appreciated the reprieve.
To sum it up:
3 days 3 sets of 5 back exercises* resulting in sharp back pain, but not so intense that I could not function. 4 of 10.
2 days moderate pace 1/2 mile bike ride. No immediate pain, but 6 of 10 later that night that caused inability to sleep.
3 pounds lost.
*Found in "Ishmael's Care of the Back", 4th edition by Brian Krabak, MD, MBA and Brandee Waite, MD.
This week is working on starting a routine, and starting it slowly. Very slowly. I don't want to be beat before I start which is often the case.
So here is how it went for my first partial week(next week will be a full week, but since I started on Sunday...:
3 times this week I did 3 sets of 5 different back exercises given to me by my spine specialist. The purpose of these exercises is to strengthen my lower back and abs, as well as, to help with my herniated disc.
Twice this week I rode my bike. My bike that now has a huuuuuge wide load seat on it. A seat that does not hurt my sit bones for weeks after a ride. Really weeks, I'm not kidding. It's like someone decided to see how deep of a bruise they could cause and called it a bike seat. Does the seat look all sleek and cool like the torture seat, no, but with the unsleek and uncool seat maybe I can look sleek and cool, and I think that is a fair trade off.
The bike riding and the back exercises did have some painful repercussions, but nothing I couldn't handle. The worst was the leg and hip pain at night when I was trying to sleep. I felt like there was a distinct horizontal line right at my hips. Above the line was fine, below the line could have fallen off of my body and I would have appreciated the reprieve.
To sum it up:
3 days 3 sets of 5 back exercises* resulting in sharp back pain, but not so intense that I could not function. 4 of 10.
2 days moderate pace 1/2 mile bike ride. No immediate pain, but 6 of 10 later that night that caused inability to sleep.
3 pounds lost.
*Found in "Ishmael's Care of the Back", 4th edition by Brian Krabak, MD, MBA and Brandee Waite, MD.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Fibromyalgia: The Bane of My Existence
About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Also, about 2 years ago I began to perfect my practice of denial.
Even though I suspected I had it for a long time before my diagnosis, seeing as how I have almost every symptom known to man; even though my doctor diagnosed me without me ever bringing it up; even though I have not known a pain free day since sometime in 2003; even though I have shared with my friends and family that I have Fibro; In the back of my head I'm not convinced. I can still function-kinda. My brain still works like it did-or maybe not. I can recover from a day that is slightly physically challenging-in 2 to 3 weeks. I use my denial to beat myself up and convince myself I am lazy. That does wonders for another of my symptoms: depression.
So, I am going to stop beating myself up! I am going to conquer this--somehow. I know my best best is diet and exercise; however, if you try to find a plan online for an exercise program to combat Fibro all you really find are sites that say it depends on the person, depends on your good days, your bad days; your good time of days, your bad time of days; the type and severity of your symptoms. This is all true, but not very concrete, and while I'm sure it's out there somewhere, I haven't found so much as a sample workout schedule. What I have read is to start slow and with low weights and to include stretching exercises. All good advice, and I have certainly found it to be true in the past.
My goal now is to take this advice and expand on it. I am going to come up with a plan to get fit and feel better. I may not be able to cure this, but I can help myself.
I am officially introducing Fibro Friday. Some time on Friday I will sum up my week to include my actual workouts and what works and doesn't work for me. What works for me may not work for others, and vice versa, but maybe it will help someone make their own plan.
For now, all I know is that I probably won't include pilates. Although I really enjoy it I always end up with throwing my back out after a bit. I believe this has to do with my scoliosis, not my fibro, so pilates would probably be great for someone else. Then again, I may include pilates, one move at a time for a while, and see if I can isolate what exactly is my problem area--cuz like I said I love how it makes me feel, and like I didn't say, but you may have figured out--I'm just stubborn like that!
Even though I suspected I had it for a long time before my diagnosis, seeing as how I have almost every symptom known to man; even though my doctor diagnosed me without me ever bringing it up; even though I have not known a pain free day since sometime in 2003; even though I have shared with my friends and family that I have Fibro; In the back of my head I'm not convinced. I can still function-kinda. My brain still works like it did-or maybe not. I can recover from a day that is slightly physically challenging-in 2 to 3 weeks. I use my denial to beat myself up and convince myself I am lazy. That does wonders for another of my symptoms: depression.
So, I am going to stop beating myself up! I am going to conquer this--somehow. I know my best best is diet and exercise; however, if you try to find a plan online for an exercise program to combat Fibro all you really find are sites that say it depends on the person, depends on your good days, your bad days; your good time of days, your bad time of days; the type and severity of your symptoms. This is all true, but not very concrete, and while I'm sure it's out there somewhere, I haven't found so much as a sample workout schedule. What I have read is to start slow and with low weights and to include stretching exercises. All good advice, and I have certainly found it to be true in the past.
My goal now is to take this advice and expand on it. I am going to come up with a plan to get fit and feel better. I may not be able to cure this, but I can help myself.
I am officially introducing Fibro Friday. Some time on Friday I will sum up my week to include my actual workouts and what works and doesn't work for me. What works for me may not work for others, and vice versa, but maybe it will help someone make their own plan.
For now, all I know is that I probably won't include pilates. Although I really enjoy it I always end up with throwing my back out after a bit. I believe this has to do with my scoliosis, not my fibro, so pilates would probably be great for someone else. Then again, I may include pilates, one move at a time for a while, and see if I can isolate what exactly is my problem area--cuz like I said I love how it makes me feel, and like I didn't say, but you may have figured out--I'm just stubborn like that!
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